I'm so fucking centered right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
