dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
