If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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