I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm at about main and main street
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
