Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
