Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
