my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize