Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
