We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
