I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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