all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
why is half of my head shaved?
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