Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
