We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
