Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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