It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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