how do flat chested girls get laid?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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