we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
