I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
