I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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