Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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