I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
