Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
