Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
