They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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