I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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