ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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