what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
