Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
