who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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