I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
