Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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