I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
