Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
