I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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