do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
