I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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