the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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