i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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