She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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