I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
