Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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