what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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