Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
