We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
