my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
