I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
