So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
