Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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