we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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