I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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