I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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