I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
