Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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