I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize