forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize