Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
