You can't motorboat a personality
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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