I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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