Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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