dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
