Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
