I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
