The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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