my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
