I will die if light touches me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
