will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
