I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
