I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
