I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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