dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
